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1. |
do i?
03:28
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conscious
losted
drifting but holding on
life laid
options
windswept i move on
kind ghost
drifting
talk to me not too long
small buds
blossom
on your shoulder grow strong
through the stigma
anxious figments
forming in my mind
freedom from the
paranoia
finally unwinds
weak and tender
wounds still healing
safe but seldom sound
listening to the
fear and poison
immolate the ground
conscious
losted
drifting but holding on
life laid
options
windswept i move on
kind ghost
drifting
talk to me not too long
small buds
blossom
on your shoulder grow strong
but not too long
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2. |
bowl of time
03:18
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meander meander meander
fall, fall, fall
x2
strangers stare buckshot in my spine
confusion from their wispy eyes
i roam through a wood of alien trees
fall fall, like autumn's gentle leaves
spiraling down, glide along the wind
spiraling down, simple and delicate
and my heart, says that i won't fit
at least not
here, here
o melt my, melt my bark
and lay me bare
scared anxious, so weary
vuln-ra-ble
strangers' cold unfeeling eyes
skin screams, from malicious knives
i'll wait, to heal my fragile soul
though i, won't ever be whole
spiraling down, glide along the wind
spiraling down, simple and delicate
and my heart, says that i won't fit
at least not
here, here
x2
meander meander meander
fall, fall, fall
x2
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3. |
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still not seeing someone else
still think about you, oh well
god i hope you're doing well
i'm sure as hell, not
lying still in bed for hours
my mood has become so sour
cynical but to a fault
and it's all my fault
so much i can't undo
i was so bad to you
i made mistakes i hope your heart can heal
moving on is so rough
how long will be enough
time flies by but i'm still right here
with my thoughts
i forgot
how not to rely on someone else
if i ev
really knew
how to just be happy by myself
pondering the time we spent
wondering just where you went
back into your different world
or somewhere else?
didn't think it'd end so strange
our friendship won't be the same
will you ever look at me
or just leave me be?
i don't know what i need
but it's not your empathy
still feels like a dream
what will ease my mind?
i'm unhappy all the time
i can't let my heart unwind
with my thoughts
i forgot
how not to rely on someone else
if i ev
really knew
how to just be happy by myself
after all
this time of running away
from whats
inside oh i am afraid
that deep down there's nothing there
it's all a guise, it's only lies
i'm hollowed out, from all that ain't fair
made of trauma and plastic smiles
with my thoughts
i forgot
how not to rely on someone else
if i ev
really knew
how to just be happy by myself
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4. |
every atom tessellates
04:32
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oh well
thinking on the times that i've hurt myself
pushed my friends away, don't need anyone else
but it didn't help, it was all for naught
i faded away and they all forgot
what happened to that girl you once knew
she's about to leave, she'll be dead soon
you let her cut the ties that held her back
there's no one left to stop her, oh well
warm and alone, my blood seeps through
locked in my own rotting mind
stabbing my heart, nothing else to do
the comfortable pain passed the time
thinking on the ways i neglect myself
zip my mouth shut, pretend im doing well
gentle agony beneath my thin skin
no one ever tries to see
what happened to that smile that you used to see?
it was melted off from how you looked at me
disgusting and misshapen's all i ever was
guess i'll just stay here
warm and alone, my blood seeps through
locked in my own rotting mind
stabbing my heart, nothing else to do
the comfortable pain passed the time
a thousand tiny cuts, a scent of ethanol
loving without meaning, tallies up the wall
i forget myself in the dopamine
wounds flow like a stream
warm and alone, my blood seeps through
locked in my own rotting mind
stabbing my heart, nothing else to do
the comfortable pain passed the time
x2
thinking on the times i gave up on me
thinking on my wish for something i can't be
thinking on the times for which i had regret
wonder how i ended up with nothing left
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5. |
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can't tell what i want
from you, from me
i think i forgot
what i should be
floating unthinking i've
misplaced myself
let me unravel the
thread til i'm well
so many reasons i'm
left so uneven i
shouldn't have ever
pretended
to be what others want
my nature i have lost
stretched so thin and weak
don't know how to speak
x2
[verse 2]
can't tell where to go
from where i am
caught up in sea
so far from land
floating unthinking i've
misplaced myself
let me unravel the
thread til i'm well
so many reasons i'm
left so uneven i
shouldn't have ever
pretended
to be what others want
my nature i have lost
stretched so thin and weak
don't know how to speak
x4
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6. |
bring down the sun
02:57
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can't you tell, that i hate what i am
i wish i had no form, then i'd be alright
this carbon cage only hurts and hinders
i wish the world was darkness, wish i was made of sunlight
this dream is fucking twisted
people say i should have never existed
sometimes i think they're right
i didn't choose this life
i hurt myself today
can you blame me anyway
through all this shit i've lived
my will is bout to give
can't you see why i'm so frightened?
can't you see why i'm so sad?
can't you see my scars aren't fading?
can't you see you're all i have?
can't you tell, i'm in so much pain
it comes and goes in waves, wish i could make it go away
this box i'm locked in is so unforgiving
in danger every night, in danger every day
can't you tell, i can't hold out much more
wish i was transparent, wish i had no form
this world was not for me, not for many others
i wish the world was darkness, wish i was made of sunlight
this dream is fucking twisted
people say i should have never existed
sometimes i think they're right
i didn't choose this life
i hurt myself today
can you blame me anyway
through all this shit i've lived
my will is bout to give
can't you see why i'm so frightened?
can't you see why i'm so sad?
can't you see my scars aren't fading?
can't you see you're all i have?
can't you tell, i need respite from harm
live alone with you, protect me with your warm arms
hopefully one day i'll be invisible
'til then i'll fantasize that i am made of sunlight
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7. |
25MG tricyclic
03:32
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my mind races
catastrophic
these obsessions
so neurotic
how can i tell when i'm truly secure
not good with change, shifting makes my skin so
callous and coarse, i can't open anymore
i'm too stoic
everything grinds away at my tender will
i want to get better but don't think i will
anything and everything is just too much
i try to fight through but it's not doing much
why, can't i sleep at night
can't i feel alright
can't i see the light
can't you hold me tight
how can i tell when i'm truly secure
not good with change, shifting makes my skin so
callous and coarse, i can't open anymore
i'm too stoic
my mind races
catastrophic
these obsessions
so neurotic
how can i tell when i'm truly secure
not good with change, shifting makes my skin so
callous and coarse, i can't open anymore
i'm too stoic
i never asked to be so cold
i never asked to be alone
i never asked to be this cursed
why is this hand i was dealt the worst
this maladaption drives me mad
can't help but treat myself so bad
with these affects that life has brought
my mind has become so miswrought
my mind races
catastrophic
these obsessions
so neurotic
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8. |
b l e u
04:00
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you helped me fix myself
i was too lost to tell
now i'm stronger than i've been
though i still suspect i'll burn
i drank the ocean blue
i'll remember you
i drank the ocean blue
i feel like someone else
what i've become, can't tell
you turned me into a portrait of yourself
i may be better but i must restore myself
i drank the ocean blue
i'll remember you
i drank the ocean blue
i'll remember you
i'll remember
x4
now i'm back to square one
with knowledge of whence i come
things will be different this time
i've patched my cracks with glue
and built myself much stronger
i'm ready to start anew
i'm ready to start anew
i drank the ocean blue
i'll remember you
i drank the ocean blue
i'll remember you
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9. |
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why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die, leave your friends behind
and leave me empty inside?
alone on the freeway headed for the cliff, no
wish i had reached out before you slipped, off
so young and tortured, but no one knew, no
til the casket was closed, the tears drip, down
i don't know what was going on in your head
i wish you would have talked to me instead
we were both so far away still i wonder why you
why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die, leave your friends behind
and leave me empty inside?
standing on the edge where you once did, late at night, cold
just a minute ago, we were young kids, where'd the time, go
but if i'm lucky, i'll see you soon, somewhere else, whoa
i hope you're well, and content, somewhere else, whoa
i don't know what was going on in your head
i wish you would have talked to me instead
we were both so far away still i wonder why you
why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die?
why'd you have to die, leave your friends behind
and leave me empty inside?
why'd you have to run away
leave us all distraught
why'd you try to disappear
and just be forgot?
why'd you have to run away
what hurt you so bad
what hurt you so bad
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10. |
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what a horrible day
i've lost a friend
it's weighing on my mind
it was not what i did
or what i said
but who i am inside
people fill me with fear
unpredictable, insincere
i've been betrayed once or twice
they gut me and leave me
people fill me with dread
only ashes in my head
i've been killed many times
they drain my arteries
they're all so goddamn hollow
hollow shells, painted faces
they don't love, their life is painless
they just take, never give
feeding on warm blood to live
this wasn't how i thought it worked
i'm the only one who hurts
hollows gather around to see
as you smile and impale me
[impaled noises]
people fill me with fear
unpredictable, insincere
i've been betrayed once or twice
they gut me and leave me
people fill me with dread
only ashes in my head
i've been killed many times
they drain my arteries
you lifted my head up
then tried to destroy me
the second i looked away
you're sociopathic
feeding on agony
but i don't easily sway
your demons will cascade
swallow you whole one day
and no one will remember you
the ruin that you bring
you're worth less than nothing
i hope you drown in guilt
sooner or later
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11. |
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i should have never left you
so many mistakes these days
disappeared without a warning
lucky you didn't float away
i got caught up in a smokescreen
couldnt see a foot in front of my face
i don't deserve your forgiveness
but you gave it to me anyway
i'll do everything in my power
to make it up to you, its the least i can do
the minutes change to hours
every moment with you...
feels so safe my soul's at ease with you
all i need's to be held tightly by
when my mind's arace with thoughts of guilt and hate
you wash it all away with a smile. and i'm okay
i've hurt so many people
it keeps me up late at night
i push everyone good away cuz im scared they'll hang me out to dry
but that makes me just like them
gotta open up and trust
or i'll be forgotten and my memory will fade to dust
i'll do everything in my power
to make it up to you, its the least i can do
the minutes change to hours
every moment with you...
feels so safe my soul's at ease with you
all i need's to be held tightly by
when my mind's arace with thoughts of guilt and hate
you wash it all away with a smile. and i'm okay
you were always everything
i'll never run away again
everything we could have been
i want to try for that again
you mean so fucking much to me
i need to fix the shit ive done
you were always everything
you were always everything
x2
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